Stop Stealing My Stuff! – Cover Your Assets review

Some people don’t like “take that” games, where you are actively trying to harm your opponent (not literally, of course, unless you’re playing a game in some action movie against a mad villain who has made this a kill or be killed situation).

These games could be what are called “dudes on a map” games where you are attacking your opponent and trying to take territory, or maybe a wargame or something.

Rarely are you just playing a card game, though.

Cover Your Assets (also called “Grandpa Beck’s Cover Your A$$ets“) is that card game exception, though.

The game, designed by Brent and Jeffrey Beck with artwork by David Bock, Andrew Bosley, Anne Pätzke, and Apryl Stott, was published by Grandpa Beck’s Games back in 2011.

And it’s still available!

That’s a game with staying power.

This is a game about stealing.

Not stealing your spouse, which would be more of a messed up game of Fog of Love.

It’s about stealing…look at the title and guess…yes, your assets!

That’s all it is. Collecting assets and trying to steal assets from the other players.

It sounds kind of like a take that game, eh?

But don’t worry.

This is actually fun, even if you don’t generally like take that.

The game is very simple in concept and can make a wonderful introduction to card games, as long as the person you’re introducing it to isn’t completely averse to conflict in games.

Players start with a hand of cards and they are trying to get two matching cards to lay down in front of them.

This is the beginning of their asset pile and this one can’t be stolen.

On your turn, you’re either discarding a card and drawing, laying down a pair of assets from your hand, or matching a card in your hand with the top discard to lay those down as a new pair of assets.

However, once you have a pile of assets, the top set can be stolen by another player.

You have to actually have assets to steal somebody else’s. Otherwise you’re just a poseur.

Attempting to steal assets is very simple.

As your action, you just have to have one card of the same type.

Of course, they can try to block it by playing another card of the same type.

This can go back and forth if both players have multiple cards of that type, or a Silver/Gold card, both of which are worth a bunch of bux!

Whoever ends up winning the contest puts that pile of assets on top of their already-formed pile.

That means it’s ripe for being stolen by somebody else because you don’t draw new cards until the end of your turn.

If you did the stealing, then you will draw up and maybe you’ll draw a card or two to defend yourself.

But if you’ve successfully fought off a steal, you’re probably out of the cards you need to defend again.

This all can lead to tons of laughter around the table.

“I’ll take your Home.” Slams down a Home card.

“No you won’t!” Slams down their own Home card.

“Yes I will!” Slams down a Silver card.

“No you won’t!” Slams down a Gold card.

It’s even funnier if the thief has yet another card to put down.

I guess it does depend on the players, but I have never seen anything but laughter during this game.

How can you get pissed off when everything’s so absurd?

And it’s a game that takes 20 minutes tops, maybe, depending on the number of players.

I can see being annoyed in an engine-building game where you are just trying to do your thing and somebody comes along and attacks you, or plays a card that ruins your engine and forces you to rebuild.

But a 20-minute card game?

That’s why I don’t think there will be any problems with players who don’t like “take that”.

We introduced a brand new player to the game during lunch at work the last two weeks, and she laughed her head off or jokingly moaned in despair (“awwwwww”) when somebody took her assets, and she really enjoyed taking others.

She enjoyed it so much that she kicked our asses, actually, which is always a good sign.

Me?

Our last game, I had $85,000 in assets while the winner had over $600,000.

I didn’t complain. It was just a blast!

When the deck runs out, you continue playing until everybody’s out of cards, even if you’re just discarding a card and doing nothing else, so there can be some jockeying for position at the end.

If you’re out of cards, you can’t steal and you also can’t defend yourself.

So the end itself is a little anti-climactic, but it’s perfectly fine and doesn’t take long.

The other minor issue with the game is that two of the assets (the boats and the cars) have colours that are very similar when you’re looking across the table unless the light is just right.

There were a couple of times when somebody tried to steal one by playing the other.

I do like that there are wild cards that not only help you steal or defend, but are also worth a lot of money in the process.

Which is also just part of the hilarity when somebody successfully defends or steals such a juicy pile of assets.

Some of those assets piles can be worth upwards of $150,000 or more, even when it’s a measly $5000 baseball card collection.

Somebody must have a Willy Mays card.

Cover Your Assets is just a quick little card game that is nothing but fun.

No real theme, not a lot of thinking involved.

You have cards in your hand. If you have a pair, do you want to cover your top asset so that nobody can steal it?

Or do you want to try and steal that juicy bank account that somebody else has but could be covered up (or stolen by somebody else) by the time your turn comes around again?

Not much thought at all.

Just laughs.

Lots of laughs.

Isn’t that what a filler game is all about?

It’s a perfect way to end a game night, kill time while waiting, or maybe blow off some steam at work on your lunch break.

Give it a shot!

Just don’t steal my home.

It’s the only one I have.

(This review was written after 9 plays)